Thursday, July 04, 2013

My Apologies

Being July 4 (in the US that's a holiday, btw) I thought it would be cool to release part 2 of my silo saga called Uprising. Get it? Uprising...July 4th...

Anywho. It didn't happen. So to my two fans who noticed, I'm sorry sorry sorry. I'm working on it, promise. The goal now is mid-July. Really. Truly. Although that may change.

But the thing I guess I want to address here is why I'm not writing this story! A few things come to mind as to why I'm struggling with getting part 2 out. Here are some random thoughts. (They all boil down to self-sabotage.)

1. I'm scared of writing a clunker. My first silo story, The Last Prayer, was fairly well received and is still selling a few copies every day. So I don't want to write a sequel that disappoints those who've favorably reviewed part 1. It's important for me to provide a quality product, which I think is a good thing. But it's paralyzing. 

Now, the fact that TLP is selling a few copies every day is amazing to me! In fact, it sells more in a day than all my other ebooks do combined in weeks, months, years even. (BTW, I'm super grateful to fans who've enjoyed my writings, mention their purchases, and email me their feedback. It's great fun!) Granted, my other ebooks are short stories and generally short stories don't sell well, but see, that's the issue: that's been my expectation. Which leads to... 

2. I really never believed that I would sell ebooks and make money at it. Oh, I figured a few people here and there would stumble on my works and accidentally click "buy" but I originally published my stories figuring no one would notice. Long story short, now that I actually have a tiny modicum of "success" (not everyone reaches the Top 10,000 at Amazon) I feel like an impostor. What am I doing making a hundred bucks a month for a few hours work? (This is called "employee" thinking, not "business" thinking.)

3. Then, finally (well, not finally finally but last thought for now), there's the competition. The comparison. The how-do-I-stack-up-against. First of all, let me say that the other silo writers (affectionately known as "LOOW" - the League of Original Woolwrights - [also read this]) are great. They've been supportive, encouraging, fun to hang around. ... And also outselling me. lol. I feel I'm the worst of the bunch. So if I don't write Part 2 I can self-fulfill my prophecy that I'm the worst of the bunch, the least-selling, the non-belonger. 

Do you see how all of these reasons are self-sabotaging? And at this point, I don't know what to do about them. 

Other than keep writing.

Because despite the fears, trepidations, self-doubts, and uncertainties, I'm wired to write.

And despite confronting this Uprising rebellion going on inside my writing psyche, I'll eventually tame the beast. At least by next Independence Day. 
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