It probably has to do with my grandiose plans: blog regularly, blog profoundly, expand my readership (beyond single digits). I'm really going to do it right this time! But then when I skip a few weeks (or as the date of my last blog reveals, a few months!) or write something un-profound (ill-founded?) or moderate my comments only to find a viagra ad as my only feedback, then my will to blog fails me. I'm a disappointment to myself.
My intermittent blogging (and my fear of failing to do it right!) parallels my thoughts on writing. I'm a terrible writer. Not that I'm actually that bad at putting words into a coherent story. But my writing spurts that end in sputters, my few piddly un-profound stories that I call writing, my single digit sales on Amazon all stand up and accuse me: you aren't a real writer.
Why? Because writers write and you don't. You don't get up at 4 a.m. to pound out a 1000 words before heading out to teach middle school English. You don't scribble in a notebook during passing period or during bellwork or during your lunch break. You don't turn off The Bachelor and American Idol or forego that afternoon nap on the weekends. You're a terrible writer because, face it, you love the idea of writing more than writing.
Call it the fear of failure or the fear of success. Whatever. The crazy thing is, I still have grandiose plans. I want to write full time. I want to entertain readers, provoke thoughts, say things. I want to write best-sellers. And another crazy thing? Every now and then I make a little headway. My herky-jerky efforts at blogging, writing, and (let's be real here) most everything else in life give way to seasons of productivity and success and satisfaction.
Like right now. These past few weeks I have been waking up early (but not that early). I have been scribbling thoughts during breaks in the action. I've even skipped American Idol (although I do need to finish this season's Bachelor on Tuesday). So maybe I'm not such a terrible writer after all. I'm sorta normal maybe. Or getting there. I'm moving from enjoying the idea of writing to actually enjoying writing. Again. Tune in later this year to see if this current spurt ends with another sputter. Here's how you'll know. If this is the most current blog post and you're reading it this summer, then yes, I'm a terrible blogger.
I'm glad to know I'm not the only one!
ReplyDeleteActually, when I started writing I think I pretty much exploded with it. It was like a champagne bottle uncorking. I wrote SO much so fast, I set the bar far too high for myself. Now the pendulum has swung in the other direction. I go days without writing at all. Or weeks. But like you, it's always on my mind. I have dreams and plans, but getting there...
Anyway, I think for some of us our motivation comes in waves. And like with me, I have other things that suck up my creative energy.
And maybe you just need to blog about American Idol :P.
Lyn, I always love your writing--clear, winsome, catchy.
ReplyDeleteSometimes life is too full for there to be space for any creative endeavor. At this point in life, I am realizing it is about keeping at it over the long haul--in whatever form it takes.
I appreciate that you teach your English students as a writer rather than simply a teacher that likes to read. The impact will show later--
All that to say, when you post that you have written on facebook, I always take a look
Thanks you two. It is a challenge when so many ("more important") things get in the way. But that's probably the nature of real life. Appreciate the encouragement. And keep at your endeavors as well!
ReplyDeleteI find that, when I'm being most productive writing or art-wise, I'm being least productive blog-wise. Prioritizing, and all that.
ReplyDeleteRichard, I think you're right. If I'm blogging a lot I'm not focused on stories. Not sure what the balance will be in the future. Maybe I'll use the blog as a tool for short updates. But then, maybe that's what FB's for, lol.
ReplyDeleteI sometimes think about taking an extended hiatus from blogging and social networking -- I'm sure I'd get a lot more writing done! It's important that we experience life too, right?
ReplyDeleteMilo, but do you think it coordinates well with your writing and publishing? It seems you have a strong fan base that is interested in your updates and looks for new releases at In Media Res. Thoughts?
ReplyDelete(PS, If you can't tell, that's what I'm doing this afternoon - updating my blog, changing my web address/title/format etc, so that those who stumble on my writing can discover more about my projects, etc. :)