Hard to tell because no one was paying any attention. I mean, I assume I got a few laughs but all the people loud-talking in the back sort of overwhelmed the venue.
Bars are terrible places to try stand-up.
Plus the bright lights blinded me while I was on stage. So I
did my five-minute routine as if I was practicing in front of the mirror. I get
more laughs during practice. What can I say? I chuckle at my own jokes.
I had a friend record my set, but the sound and video quality
was pretty bad. Worse than the jokes. But if you’re interested in a bit of what I said, here are some
of my gags…
Started off as a pastor in Western PA. They speak funny there. Use different words, have different meanings to words. Found that out right away. Exploring the small town we moved to, we’d bump into people and they’d say, “Are you’ns from around here?”
You’ns?
I mean, I’ve heard of y’all, common in the south; and ‘yoose guys’ if you’re from Philly. But You’ns? That was new to me. So I said, “No, we’ns ain’t from around here.”
Found out we’ns ain’t a word. They’d just stare at me.
Nevertheless, most people were friendly. Families in the church would come up after the service and introduce themselves.
One mom told Little Johnny to shake the pastor’s hand. I put out my hand but Little Johnny immediately turned his back and buried his face in his mother’s arms.
She apologized and said, “He’s a little backward.”
Backward? Like he turned his back on me? “Oh, you mean he’s shy! He’ns is shy!”
Well, he’ns is not a word. She’ns is not a word. She just stared at me.
We’ns ain’t from around here.
Okay, I admit, not side-splitting funny but it was part of
an overall story arc that I thought went pretty well. And I learned some things
I’d do differently next time. If there is a next time.
One reason I may not go back is I just don’t like dirty
jokes. And most of the comics at this open mic specialize in body part humor,
sex and swear word humor, and in general being loud and drunk.
My routine was a bit more subtle, and so not suited for a
bar venue. I am interested in the art form, though. So may keep trying. I’ll just
keep in mind the following points next time:
Energy. I was
kind of too laid back, but if you’re going to gain and hold the attention of
the audience at this kind of open mic, you gotta be enthusiastic. Shout, baby!
Pacing. Slow it
down, man, slow it down. The loud reverb from the mic in a place with terrible
acoustics just makes everything a mumble jumble. Speak clearly, distinctly, and
allow some space to filter in between sentences.
Timing. Of
course. Goes without saying. Gestures are a great way to indicate that the
laugh is ready to launch. With the right physical moves, vocal pauses,
expressions, and final delivery, the gag line goes over a lot better.
Finally, keep the
callback. A callback is a wrap-up joke that alludes to an earlier humorous
line. An internal allusion. A minor example is the we’ns line I used above.
At my stand-up the other night I finished my routine with a
callback to my first joke - which I didn’t include in the example above. Because it uses a borderline bad word. Okay, okay. So some slightly crude jokes
are funny to me. Sue me.
Craig Johnson is a master of the callback in his Longmire
books. He’ll set up a joke and a few chapters later, pull the trigger. It’s a
literary device that works well in sermons too. Not as a joke, but as a
reiteration of the main point or theme, leaving the audience with the core of
the message as the last thing to ponder.
Anyway, since the video was bad, I did write out my routine
if you want to read it. Let me know. Won’t be the same as watching live, of
course, but at 850 words, it’s not too long to endure.
Plus, it’s better than listening to an hour of swear words
pretending to be jokes while waiting to take your turn at the mic!
